After emigrating to the United States he studied psychology at Columbia University , where he earned a doctorate in clinical psychology in Only behavior is treated as unacceptable, not the child. Depersonalize negative interactions by mentioning only the problem. Let children do for themselves what they can. Children need to learn to choose, but within the safety of limits.

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Ginott, I have so many feelings about your book. Its hard for me to sort them all out. Ginott: Youre confused and you dont know where to start. You feel many different things. Khaya: Yes! I have friends who swear by you and your methods. They think youre great. Ginott: Khaya, evaluative words like great do not represent helpful praise. Praise should deal only with the persons efforts and accomplishments, not with his character and personality Between Parent and Haim Ginott Khaya: Dr.

Khaya: Oh. So I guess it would be more accurate to say that your books have helped my friends develop a philosophy of parenting that seems to work for them. Ginott: You have reframed your words to be a more specific, and therefore helpful and effective form of praise. This is what effective praise does. Khaya: I guess I sort of see that. Do you think your philosophy, well-intentioned though it might be, may result in whiny, entitled children?

Ginott: You are concerned that children whose feelings are reflected back to them by their parents may be whinier. Can you explain what you mean? Khaya: I mean, I do wonder that.

And for kids to receive authentic feedback on their behavior? Ginott: You think my approach feels fake, perhaps scripted. Khaya: Yes. Ginott: Khaya, I will speak plainly now.

I am, after all, not my actual self but merely a projection you are using to serve as a foil for your review. You can only guess what I would say. I hear your question about whether responding empathically as opposed to in a genuinely irritated way fosters whining rather than self-control. It is my belief that my approach, properly applied, need not foster whining. And the tone of that statement may be as firm as necessary.

Khaya: In an ideal world, maybe. Ginott: And do you feel your upbringing was superior? Khaya: Not exactly. Ginott: Well to be honest, Khaya, I wrote this book a long time ago. Perhaps it is a bit dated. In my day, I believe parents needed to hear this message. As to whether a different message is needed today, I cannot say. Khaya: No offense, Dr. Ginott, but many aspects of this book were indeed dated.

Freudian developmental concepts stated as absolutes, and much of the discussion about sex roles and mothers and fathers for example.

But in fairness to you, I think you had a lot of good ideas. Ginott: So you did like some things. Khaya: Oh, definitely! I believe your book was groundbreaking in its day. You taught parents to discipline their children in a way that respected them as human beings. Much of what you say is actually very helpful. And most of all, you did inspire me to work more on my parenting — even if I still have a ways to go. Ginott: So you liked the book overall and hope to use it to improve your parenting.

Four stars, absolutely.


Haim Ginott



Between Parent and Child Quotes



Between Parent and Child


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